Episode 42: Channeling Difficult Emotions

Since we rebooted our podcast, we begin this week’s show discussing topics we plan to cover going forward, including familiar themes such as LGBTQIA+ rights, family, and music, and new(ish) themes like cooking and physical and mental health.

From there, we discuss the tragic death of indigenous nonbinary teenager Nex Benedict after a brutal attack at a high school in Oklahoma, and the range of emotions their death evokes: anger, rage, frustration, despair. But, more importantly, we talk about how to channel those emotions in a constructive and positive way, because losing hope is not an option.

To that end, we also talk about an important fundraising project we are involved in: the annual Lambda Legal Bon Foster Civil Rights Celebration in Chicago, which takes place on Friday, May 10, at 6:30 p.m. Central at the Art Institute. Please consider joining us if you can, and, if that’s not possible, please consider making a donation to Lambda Legal, one of the country’s oldest, largest, and most successful legal organizations fighting for LGBTQIA+ Americans and people living with HIV.

Above all, to paraphrase the late, great Joe Strummer of the Clash, we urge everyone who’s feeling justifiable anger today to turn that anger into power.

So, we hope you enjoy the show, and please feel free to follow us on Instagram (@jenn_and_dave). You can also follow us on the site formerly known as Twitter. Our joint account is @JennandDave1 and the podcast account is @itsotetPodcast. Until next time! 

Episode 31: Transitioning While Famous, and the Supreme Court Strikes Out

On this week’s episode, after reminiscing about being in New York City last year for the 4th of July and giving a shoutout to Garland and Claire Jeffreys for commenting and sharing last week’s podcast, we get down to business.

First, we talk about Elliot Page’s book Page Boy: A Memoir, which Jennifer highly recommends. Navigating becoming famous while coming to terms with being transgender is not an easy thing to do, but Elliot has managed to do it with grace.

And that brings us to a discussion of other people who’ve transitioned while in the limelight, including Grammy-winning artist Wendy Carlos, who brought the Moog synthesizer to Bach and other classical composers in the 1960s and ’70s, and Chaz Bono, who began to transition around 2008 and sat down with David Letterman for a memorable interview in 2011.  

In this same conversation, we talk about Gina Chua, former executive editor at Reuters with a decades-long, high profile career in journalism, who transitioned during the COVID-19 pandemic. In a 2021 New York Times story, she said the pandemic gave her the privacy and time to be able to “grow into her skin.” Chua is the most senior transgender journalist in the country. In the Times article she says, “There are a lot of people who are 14 years old who would like to know that this is not a death sentence.” She continues, “It’s not a millstone. It’s something you can be proud of, it’s something you can celebrate and something you can live with.”

Finally, we turn to the recent Supreme Court decision in 303 Creative LLC v. Elenis, where the Court considered a web designer’s challenge to a Colorado civil rights law that might, theoretically, possibly, maybe, someday … require her to create a wedding-related website for a same sex couple. The only problem is, no same sex couple has ever actually asked her to do that, so her entire case is based on mere speculation. That’s the kind of case that courts ordinarily throw out because, without an actual injury, a plaintiff has no standing to bring a lawsuit in the first place. Not so much under the current Bizarro-World Supreme Court, apparently.

But it’s actually worse than that. At some point during the case, anticipating a challenge to her standing, the plaintiff filed a declaration under penalty of perjury stating that a same sex couple named Stewart and Mike contacted her company to inquire about a wedding website. Though the documents the plaintiff filed provided Stewart’s telephone number, no one bothered to verify the story. Except for a journalist named Melissa Gira Grant, who published a piece in The New Republic on June 29, 2023, one day before the Supreme Court delivered its opinion. In her New Republic article, Grant reveals — and other media outlets have since confirmed — that the story is simply untrue. Stewart never reached out to 303 Creative, never knew that they used his name in their case, and absolutely never requested that 303 Creative design a website for him. In fact, Stewart himself is a web designer and was already married at the time of the alleged contact … to a woman, not to a man named Mike. 

Apparently, some folks are so consumed with their own hate that nothing else matters, least of all the truth.

So, anyway, please enjoy this week’s episode, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, and, as always, support the rights of LGBTQIA people everywhere! And if you’re new here, you can also follow our Twitter account, @itsotetPodcast.

Episode 27: “You’re Not From Chicago”

So, we’re done talking about our Ireland trip and the Bruce Springsteen concert (for now), but we have to mention that our episode of Jesse Jackson’s Set Lusting Bruce podcast is now live, so check it out. We had a great time recording with Jesse.

Turning to this week’s episode, we talk about living in the Chicago suburbs and folks from out of town getting dunked on for mouthing off about our city … even though it’s not really our city. (For context, see this write up of Fox & Friends’ misadventures in suburban Naperville on the morning of Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson’s inauguration.)

But it’s not all fun and games. Picking up on a part of our conversation with Jesse on his show, we also talk about the current status of LGBTQIA rights in America and the increasing threats to the community. Is it just the last angry gasp of a dying ideology, or is there a real danger that our community will lose its hard-fought rights? We take a look at a violent incident in Glendale, California, where far-right thugs attacked supporters of LGBTQIA rights and what it says about the growing desperation of anti-LGBTQIA bigots. But we also share some good news — a US District Court judge in Florida entered a preliminary injunction that temporarily prohibits the state from enforcing portions of its recently-enacted law banning gender-affirming care for minors. The ruling only protects the named plaintiffs at this point, but the court’s decision (which you can read here) is very encouraging.

However, even that good news comes with a word of caution. While this judge got it right, we know there will be further litigation and likely appeals in the Florida case, along with other challenges to these types of statutes around the country, and at some point one or more of those cases could reach the Supreme Court. In the past, we might have been somewhat optimistic about the Supreme Court’s ultimate decision in these cases — after all, this is the Court that gave us Obergefell and Bostock — but in the post-Dobbs world, all bets are off.

So, please enjoy this week’s episode, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, and, as always, support the rights of LGBTQIA people everywhere! And if you’re new here, you can also follow our Twitter account, @itsotetPodcast.

Episode 24: Kids Know Who They Are

This week, we discuss a recent episode of 60 Minutes Australia on parents who refuse to assign their newborn babies a gender at birth. Though the show suggests that the parents, who refer to their kids as “theybies,” let the kids “decide their gender,” we note that that’s not really true. Rather, the kids are who they are, whether they’re cisgender, transgender or nonbinary. They’re not choosing their identities; they’re just coming to understand them. Ultimately, kids know who they are, whether their parents like it or not. So maybe it’s better to let them tell us, rather than the other way around.

This leads to a broader conversation about the assumptions we make about kids, the ways we effectively indoctrinate them in straight, cisgender “normality,” whether we mean to or not, and how damaging that is to kids who don’t fit that mold. If we don’t teach our kids that other kinds of people exist and have perfectly valid lives, we’re telling them that if they’re not straight and cisgender then they’re broken. 

We also discuss the annoying trend of parents weaponizing their status as moms and dads to demonize queer people, ban books, and bully teachers, librarians, and school boards. They’re not fighting for “parents’ rights” or “protecting kids,” they’re fighting to impose their narrow worldview on other parents and their kids. 

Finally, we couldn’t end the show without gloating — just a little — about Fox News firing Tucker Carlson in the aftermath of the network’s massive settlement with Dominion Voting Systems … not to mention Abby Grossberg’s sexual harassment suit against Carlson and Fox

So, please enjoy this week’s episode, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, and, as always, support the rights of LGBTQIA people everywhere! And if you’re new here, you can also follow our Twitter account, @itsotetPodcast.

Just a reminder: We’ll be off the next couple of weeks traveling, but we’ll be back in May!

Episode 23: On the Road Again

On this week’s episode: cats don’t worry about other people’s chosen names and pronouns, so you shouldn’t either. We also revisit an old classic: the Boy Scouts of America, an organization notorious for its homophobia in the 1980s and ’90s, recently settled decades of child sex abuse claims for a cool $2.5 billion, and yet your favorite online transphobes — you know, the ones who claim to care so much about other people’s kids — remained predictably silent. It’s almost like they’re more interested in distracting attention away from real abusers than they are in keeping kids safe … 

But we spend most of this week’s episode talking about one of our favorite bands, The Mavericks. We just got back from seeing the alt-country, Latin-influenced icons in Milwaukee (a greatly underrated city, by the way), and, as always, they were outstanding. We’ve followed The Mavericks since the mid-’90s and it’s hard to explain just how great they are in concert. You just have to see them for yourselves.

And speaking of traveling to see bands, next month we’re off to Ireland to see Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band in Dublin, which means that we will take a two-week break after next week’s show. But don’t worry. We’ll have lots to talk about, not the least of which will involve driving stick-shift on the wrong side of the road.

Finally, we wrap up the show with a funny incident that happened last week: somebody hacked notorious anti-LGBTQIA troll Matt Walsh’s Twitter account, and hilarity ensued.

So, please enjoy this week’s episode, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, and, as always, support the rights of LGBTQIA people everywhere! And if you’re new here, you can also follow our Twitter account, @itsotetPodcast.

Episode 21: Reflecting on Trans Day of Visibility

Since we recorded our last episode, Transgender Day of Visibility happened (it was March 31) and we would be remiss if we didn’t share our thoughts. According to GLAAD, only about 30 percent of Americans personally know someone who’s trans. At the same time, legislators around the country introduced more than 400 bills attacking LGBTQIA rights in the first three months 2023, and over half of those bills specifically targeted trans people. But you can help! Please consider filling out this form on GLAAD’s website and sending it to the political leaders in your state.

But Trans Day of Visibility is more than an opportunity to rehash negative things, no matter how aggravating they are or how important it is to confront them. It’s just as important, if not more so, to celebrate trans and nonbinary people for who they are and what they accomplish. While we have to address negative things like harmful legislation, we can’t let trauma define the community. Like our own daughter who’s living a great life, trans and nonbinary people are making their way in the world and achieving greatness, and they are not defined by the horrible things the bigots visit upon them. Case in point: Jeopardy! champion Amy Schneider, who schooled the world in trans excellence over the past year.

We then talk about Kansas’ legislature overriding their governor’s veto of a bill that bans trans girls from participating in sports consistent with their gender. Barbara Wasinger, one of the bill’s sponsors, reportedly said the state would enforce the bill by requiring girls to undergo sports physicals to confirm their biological sex … which most critics interpret to mean genital inspections. 

Aside from the utterly disgusting idea of the state forcing inspections of kids’ genitals, this leads to a broader conversation about sports and how they’re really not the level-playing-field meritocracy that people imagine them to be.

And from there, we tackle yet another deceptive story about the Washington University health clinic that provides gender affirming care for trans youth, this time by Emily Yoffe on Bari Weis’ Free Press blog … er, website? No, we’re not going to link to the offending article, but we will say what we’ve said all along: Utterly unqualified folks like Jesse Singal, Bari Weiss, Matt Walsh, Bill Maher, and the rest of those weirdos need to keep their noses out of the health care decisions other people make for their kids.

So, please enjoy to this week’s episode, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, and, as always, support the rights of LGBTQIA people everywhere! And if you’re new here, you can also follow our Twitter account, @itsotetPodcast.

Episode 20: What Level of Dante’s Inferno Is This?

Well, we started out on a light note, talking about watching a certain game show only old people watch and setting up our cat “daycare” so we can work from home in relative peace …

And then we went on at some length about podcasting and making videos for our Instagram page and our YouTube channel, talking about the complexity of recording audio and video separately and trying to sync them up (which is why, ultimately, we settled on podcasting).

But then it got weird. We could not, of course, let the week pass without commenting on the principal at Tallahassee Classical School who got fired for showing students the statue of David, as the school had done every year in recent memory. The bright spot, of course, being that just about every news outlet that covered the story, including NPR in the story we link to here, had to show the … uh … Full Monty, so to speak. 

And there’s an even weirder angle to this story: According Peter Schorsch on Twitter, school board chairman Barney Bishop III, the guy who asked for the principal’s “resignation” over the statue of David, has some rather interesting, er, garden statues of his own.

Finally, we couldn’t avoid the other awful story of the week: another school shooting, this time in Nashville, where a semiautomatic-rifle-wielding maniac killed three young children and three school staffers at a private Christian school. We’ve talked about this before — because, of course, these incidents happen so frequently — but, as parents, we and our kids have lived with this insanity almost nonstop since Columbine in 1999. 

And as awful and inexcusable as this latest school massacre was, there is yet another awful twist. According to Nashville police, shooter might be transgender, though that’s not yet confirmed according to Reuters, so, naturally, the worst people in the world are blaming the trans community as a whole for the murders of these innocent kids. They claim that there’s some alarming uptick in trans or nonbinary people committing mass shootings, citing this incident, the December 2022 shooting in Colorado Springs where the murderer may or may not be nonbinary, and a couple of other incidents over the past few years. But here’s the thing: even if those incidents involve trans or nonbinary people, the number of trans and nonbinary people who commit crimes like this is infinitesimally small compared to the endless stream of mass shootings that happen in schools, churches, synagogues, grocery stores … and nearly everywhere else in America.

So you have to ask yourselves: What level of Dante’s Inferno is reserved for the kinds of monsters who use the killing of innocent children as an excuse to promote bigotry and hate against marginalized people? 

Anyway, please enjoy this week’s episode, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, and, as always, support the rights of LGBTQIA people everywhere! And if you’re new here, you can also follow our Twitter account, @itsotetPodcast

Episode 19: March Madness

On this week’s episode, we give a long over due (LONG OVERDUE) shout-out to our friend and podcasting mentor, Tim Corrimal of The Tim Corrimal Show, whom we’ve known for years and who helped us considerably when we got started. Tim gave us great advice about podcasting … though we can’t say we’ve always followed it, which is our fault, not his. Check out his (much more professional) show, and follow him on Mastodon and Spoutible (@timcorrimal).

From there, we talk about our very own March Madness, which does not, much to Dave’s chagrin, mean we discuss the University of Illinois’ storied men’s basketball program and the many, many injustices that have been visited upon them. Nope. This March Madness includes our wedding anniversary, our oldest child’s 27th birthday, and our youngest child coming home from college for spring break.

Then, despite our promise to be more uplifting this week, we provide an update on the Jesse Singal Fiasco. Jesse, as many folks have reached out to tell us, is off Twitter … sort of … but it’s not Dave’s fault. We swear.

Returning to more positive things, we introduce you to Ronnie Angelique Young, a successful Black Latina trans woman who testified in Florida against laws targeting the LGBTQIA community. You can watch her remarkable testimony here and follow her on social media (@Dncndiva on both Twitter and Instagram).

Segueing from that great story, we talk in more general terms about the scrutiny LGBTQIA people face these days, especially trans and nonbinary people, and how the enemies of the community look for any perceived mistake on the part of queer people, their healthcare providers, and their supportive parents and allies, to paint a negative picture of the community as a whole. 

Finally, we talk about young people and how, when anti-LBGTQIA say “let kids be kids,” they overlook the fact that kids often know about their identity and orientation early in life — just like straight kids do! So when we say “let kids be kids,” that includes queer kids!  

Please enjoy to this week’s episode, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, and, as always, support the rights of LGBTQIA people everywhere! And if you’re new here, you can also follow our Twitter account, @itsotetPodcast.

Episode 18: “A Tale Told by an Idiot”

We’re not comparing ourselves to William Faulkner, who borrowed a phrase from Macbeth for the title of one of his most famous novels — life, he says, is “a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing” — but we’ve dealt with our share of numbskulls in recent weeks.

Not the least of whom is one Jesse Singal, a Brooklyn-based Substacker (that is, blogger), podcaster, and self-professed Twitter addict. No, we won’t link to his various online platforms because we’re not going to give him any more oxygen, but this week’s episode describes a wild ride we recently took through his anti-transgender fever dreams, and let’s just say … that’s some weird, uncharted territory.

For background, this article describes Singal’s descent over the past few years from a superficially neutral writer wondering aloud about the experiences of trans people to a (possibly childless?) man who’s appointed himself the leading expert on the healthcare of … other people’s children. Notice, in particular, the article’s description of Singal’s bizarre and completely inappropriate tweet-storm from March 2021, where raises questions about another person’s gender diverse child. Here’s a guy taking to Twitter and demanding to know whether a complete stranger’s child was diagnosed with gender dysphoria, as though that’s something he, or anyone else, is entitled to know!

But Singal’s intrusion into the healthcare of other people’s children didn’t end there, and that’s what led to our recent interactions with him. Lately, Singal injected himself into the Missouri Attorney General’s politically motivated “investigation” into a clinic affiliated with Washington University in St. Louis that provides care and advice to trans youth and their parents. Then, last Saturday, he posted a piece on his Substack in defense of the Attorney General’s “whistleblower,” a woman named Jamie Reed, who provided details of the clinic’s alleged “mistreatment” of children under its care. (Spoiler alert: as we explain on this week’s episode, Reed does not appear to qualify as a whistleblower under the Missouri Whistleblower Protection Act, and it does not appear the clinic did anything illegal).

So that led one of us — you’ll never guess who! — to tee off on Jesse on Twitter. Not because he or Reed broke any laws (we’re not HIPAA experts and we don’t claim to be), but because Singal’s post included completely unnecessary, salacious details of what minors allegedly told their therapists and caregivers. Of course, he wasn’t quite ghoulish enough to identify the minors by name, but any person with a whit of common sense would realize that detailing confidential information that minors gave to therapists is a patently disgusting thing to do. 

In any event, while Jesse reacted to criticism of that post in the way that any well-adjusted, responsible grown up would do — by lashing out at and mocking anyone who dared to question him — he then did an odd thing. He invited us to appear on his podcast, presumably to make himself look super level-headed and rational to his troll followers. 

And that’s where the story gets really bizarre. As we explain in this week’s episode, he basically ignored multiple emails from us, lied to his followers by saying we never emailed him, and otherwise sabotaged our attempts to confront him in person on his own podcast. Whether it was an intentionally deceptive ploy or the predictable incompetence of a 40-year-old Substacker-podcaster-troll, we finally told him that we were done wasting our time. 

But not without explaining the whole sordid affair to our listeners, of course.

So, please enjoy to this week’s episode, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, and, as always, support the rights of LGBTQIA people everywhere! And if you’re new here, you can also follow our Twitter account, @itsotetPodcast.

Episode 17: Being Part of the Conversation

We’re back after a long hiatus because, as we explain in this week’s episode, there is a conversation going on in the world, whether we like it or not, and good people have to be part of it.

It’s been a long time, and, frankly, after recording our last episode, we thought we might never come back. Last year saw one tragedy after another in a country that seemed to be increasingly polarized and defined by anger and extremism, especially on the right. From mass shootings to the Supreme Court overruling decades of precent and stripping away individual liberties to the ever more hostile environment in which marginalized people, and especially LGBTQIA people, find themselves, the stress at times was overwhelming. 

Fighting this fight takes a toll, and trying weigh the stress of fighting it against the cost of ignoring it seems to present an impossible dilemma.

But, as we say, the conversation about individual rights and fundamental human dignity goes on with or without us, and without us, the voices of the lunatic fringe not only become louder, they become normalized and mainstream. Whether it’s Michael Knowles talking about “eradicating transgenderism” at CPAC, Matt Walsh and his fellow travelers obsessing over and spreading lies about gender-affirming care for trans people, or random unhinged Twitter users casually hurling the vilest accusations imaginable at parents and others who support LGBTQIA youth, there are times when decent people just have to speak up.

And so we’re back, and we hope to connect with good, decent, likeminded people who will join the conversation, too. Because we know they’re out there.

We may never strike the right balance between fighting back and living our lives in peace, but we’re not going to go quietly.

So, please enjoy to this week’s episode, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, and, as always, support the rights of LGBTQIA people everywhere! And if you’re new here, you can also follow our Twitter account, @itsotetPodcast.