Tag: marriage

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Episode 13: Making It Work

In this episode, we talk about managing a successful mixed-orientation marriage in difficult times when the rights of the LGBTQ+ community are increasingly under attack. Although as a community and a country we’ve made tremendous strides over the past 30 years or so, progress is never smooth and linear, and when society backslides on our fundamental rights, there is no guarantee we will eventually get back on track. So now, more than ever in our lifetime, it’s time for unity and solidarity with everyone across the LGBTQ+ community.

Please listen to this week’s episode, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, and, as always, support the rights of LGBTQ+ people everywhere! And if you’re new here, you can also follow our Twitter account, @itsotetPodcast. 

Programming note: We will be off the week of April 25, 2022. We will be back with new episodes after that!

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Episode 9: Give Us a Break!

On this week’s show, we talk about our 27th anniversary (!) and what it’s like to have a successful mixed-orientation marriage, especially in these bizarre times.

We also talk about the current onslaught of anti-LGBTQ+ legislation around the country, from Florida to Texas to Idaho, and the toll it takes on the mental health of those of us in the community. In some ways, it’s especially bad for us older folks because, as the expression goes, it’s déjà vu all over again — we’ve seen this demonization before, and whether it’s the last gasp of a failed culture war or a genuine threat to our health and well-being, it’s particularly hard to face after years of apparent progress.

Anyway, sometimes we all need a break from all this terrible news, so we begin to explore ways of dealing with the mental strain of rising anti-LGBTQ+ sentiment … a theme we will undoubtedly come back to many times in the future.

So please listen to this week’s episode, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, and, as always, support the rights of LGBTQ+ people everywhere!

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Episode 7: The Wild, the Innocent, and the Springsteen Podcast

Hello! We are finally back after an extended holiday (and post-holiday) break! 

On this week’s show, we talk about Dave’s upcoming appearance on Jesse Jackson’s Set Lusting Bruce podcast, the podcast of all things Springsteen. Looking forward to this momentous occasion, we delve into why Bruce, seemingly the most hetero of artists, nevertheless has a strong appeal to some LGBTQ+ fans.

We also talk about the disturbing rise of intolerance towards LGBTQ+ people across the country, from Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” bill to Texas’ recent executive actions directed at trans- and nonbinary-supportive parents, and the need to find ways to connect and communicate across communities. 

So please listen to this week’s episode and, as always, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

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Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate, happy holidays, and a very happy New Year to all. Hopefully you were able to celebrate safely with supportive friends and family.

We recorded this video greeting last night — apologies for the sloppy guitar playing, but we had to give a nod to the late, great John Prine, and to Darlene Love. 

We’ll be back after the New Year with new shows!

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Programming Note

So, we have not posted a new episode of the podcast since late November, but we will be back! We decided to take a break during the holidays, due in large part to hectic work schedules, holiday shopping, and the uncertainty created by the latest COVID variant. No worries; we’re all happy and healthy … just stretched a little thin.

In the meantime, we are still working on getting the podcast on all the major platforms so that when we come back from this brief hiatus, it will be more widely available and accessible. 

Look for new episodes after the first of the year!

Have a safe and happy holiday season.

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Episode 6: Thanksgiving Wrap Up; Holidays and Hard Conversations

In this episode, we recap our Thanksgiving holiday and look forward to the rest of the holiday season … not without some trepidation. As we discussed in our last episode, this time of year can be difficult for LGBTQ+ folks, including those of us in mixed-orientation relationships.

Thinking of how to deal with the holidays to come, in the diversity, equity, and inclusion space we often talk about the need to get uncomfortable and have hard conversations about things like privilege and implicit bias. But we seem to be unwilling to have hard conversations about one of the biggest sources of friction between straight, cis-gender people and the LGBTQ+ community: Religion. Or, more specifically, the way so many people use religion as a justification to discriminate against the queer community and deny us our basic humanity.

Well, now more than ever, the time has come to have that conversation, because just about everywhere you look these days there’s somebody saying that anything that they dislike, anything that inconveniences them, and anything that makes them uncomfortable is against their religion. Whether it’s claiming that their religious beliefs exempt them from having to get vaccinated or wear face coverings, or that those beliefs give them license to discriminate against others on the basis of sexual orientation or identity, “religion” is the ever-expanding excuse to get out of the basic responsibilities of living in a modern, pluralistic society.

But these so-called religious beliefs often don’t withstand scrutiny. Instead, “religion” is often an after-the-fact justification people use to excuse biases and prejudices they already have. Scouring religious texts and lifting obscure passages out of their context to confirm your preexisting biases does not transform those biases into sincerely held religious beliefs. It’s matter of convenience, not faith. And, frankly, it cheapens religion.

So please listen to this week’s episode and, as always, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

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Episode 5: Happy Thanksgiving!

On this special holiday edition of our podcast, we talk about how we met in a bar in Forest Park, Illinois, 28 years ago on the night before Thanksgiving, and began this crazy journey. On a more serious note, we also talk about the challenges people face during the holiday season, and especially the challenges LGBTQ+ people often face. Whether it’s family members who espouse harmful prejudices and toxic politics, who disapprove of you for who you are, or who simply do not understand your relationship, the holidays can be exceptionally stressful for the mixed-orientation community. Add to that the divisive times we live in where many people in the LGBTQ+ community, and especially our trans and nonbinary community members, face hatred, animosity, and even violence, and navigating this time of year can be too much.

While we don’t have the expertise to give mental health advice, we strongly urge everyone to take care of their mental wellbeing and do what’s best for themselves. Maybe that means avoiding stressful situations. Maybe that means confronting toxic friends and family members. Or maybe that means gritting your teeth and bearing it to avoid conflicts. The important thing is to do what works best for you — and to realize that you don’t have to resolve these problems right now. Time is on your side. Sometimes that’s the most important thing: to recognize that tomorrow is another day. 

Take care of yourselves this holiday season. If you think you need help, get help. And if it feels overwhelming and you don’t know where to turn, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has resources that can help you get through this. Please reach out. There is always tomorrow. 

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Episode 3: Stereotypes and Expectations

In this episode, we circle back to our discussion of stereotypes in Episode 2 to dive a little deeper. As we observed last week, despite a person’s best intentions, there really are no “good” stereotypes. While a person’s intent is important, equally if not more important is the way that person’s messages are received: You may think you’re praising or supporting a group when you make generalizations about their qualities and characteristics, but your stereotypes can undermine a marginalized person’s sense of self and have the effect of isolating marginalized people even more than they otherwise are. If a marginalized person doesn’t fit your preconceived ideas about their group, it can add to the feeling that they don’t belong, either in society at large or in their own particular demographic group. Marginalized people should not have to live up to anyone’s expectations; they should be themselves. 

We also talk about our individual and collective need to evolve beyond our limited understanding of people who are different from us. By way of example, for its time, the extremely popular show, Seinfeld, was probably well ahead of the curve when it came to addressing LGBTQ+ issues. Watching the show today, however, is often cringe-inducing. But this is a good thing, because it’s a sign that we’re evolving. And we all have to start somewhere.

Ultimately, each of us needs to expand our definition of “normal” to include all the amazing variations of people we encounter everywhere. We’re not all there yet, but we’re getting there. 

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