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Episode 4: Transgender Awareness Week; Challenges in Mixed-Orientation Relationships

In this episode we celebrate Transgender Awareness Week, talk about changing names and gender markers on identification documents, and give a shout-out to these great organizations fighting for the rights of transgender, nonbinary, and gender-nonconforming people everywhere:

Gender Justice in Minneapolis, Minnesota

The National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE) — please note the correct URL is https://transequality.org (not ncte.org)

Lambda Legal

PFLAG

The Transformative Justice Law Project of Illinois

We also circle back to the main subject of our podcast: mixed-orientation relationships and the challenges partners in these relationships face. Although this is an ongoing discussion we hope to develop over many episodes, today we layout a basic framework for going forward, and the key words are trust and honesty. Be truthful at all times. Trust your partner. And — and this is key — don’t rush into rash decisions you’ll regret in the future. Time is on your side.

Please feel free to continue the conversation in the comments section. Thanks for listening! 

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Episode 3: Stereotypes and Expectations

In this episode, we circle back to our discussion of stereotypes in Episode 2 to dive a little deeper. As we observed last week, despite a person’s best intentions, there really are no “good” stereotypes. While a person’s intent is important, equally if not more important is the way that person’s messages are received: You may think you’re praising or supporting a group when you make generalizations about their qualities and characteristics, but your stereotypes can undermine a marginalized person’s sense of self and have the effect of isolating marginalized people even more than they otherwise are. If a marginalized person doesn’t fit your preconceived ideas about their group, it can add to the feeling that they don’t belong, either in society at large or in their own particular demographic group. Marginalized people should not have to live up to anyone’s expectations; they should be themselves. 

We also talk about our individual and collective need to evolve beyond our limited understanding of people who are different from us. By way of example, for its time, the extremely popular show, Seinfeld, was probably well ahead of the curve when it came to addressing LGBTQ+ issues. Watching the show today, however, is often cringe-inducing. But this is a good thing, because it’s a sign that we’re evolving. And we all have to start somewhere.

Ultimately, each of us needs to expand our definition of “normal” to include all the amazing variations of people we encounter everywhere. We’re not all there yet, but we’re getting there. 

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Episode 2: Everyone Has an Origin Story

In this week’s episode, we talk about how we got here and how difficult it can be for a person to accept their truth in the face of anti-LGBTQ+ prejudice. In that context, we share memories of Elton John’s journey from seemingly straight rock star to out-and-proud gay icon, a journey that resonates with us on a number of levels. 

It may seem odd in 2021 that a person could deny their own identity for decades, but to appreciate and understand it, you have to turn back the clock to a time when homophobia was as much a part of the environment as the air we breathed. It was a universally accepted fact of life. And so, too, were stereotypes about gay people, even though many of us simply did not fit in to those preconceived ideas about what it meant to be gay. In that dysfunctional environment, not everyone had the ability to perceive their own true selves, let alone the courage to accept it. We all move at our own pace and come to accept ourselves in our own time. And that’s okay.

The message: Everyone’s origin story is different, and everyone’s origin story is valid. Please give this episode a listen and share your thoughts in the comments.

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Episode 1: Welcome to Our Podcast

Welcome to the inaugural episode of our podcast. We are an older married couple from the Chicago area, but our relationship is not what you might expect. We are, for lack of a better term, in a mixed-orientation marriage. Our hope is that, through this podcast, we can demystify nontraditional marriages and relationships and expand our listeners’ understanding of committed adult relationships that are often overlooked or misunderstood. We also hope to create a community and a place for people in nontraditional relationships to find support and express themselves. Whether you’re like us — two loving people of different orientations — or gay, bisexual, transgender, nonbinary, or otherwise in a relationship that defies convention, we want you to know that we support you and want to give you a voice. If you are not in a nontraditional relationship but come to this podcast with an open mind, you are more than welcome to join us on our journey. 

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